Not Ascot, Not Anywhere!

Every year this happens. People who are either illiterate, stupid, or under the erroneous impression that they are being witty and original, are suddenly tempted to don ludicrous outfits in the Royal enclosure at Ascot.

Now before anyone goes on about sour grapes, no I was not there, and no I am not bitter about it. I find horse racing distasteful, almost, in fact as distasteful as some of the outfits that I am about to highlight.

Also, before anyone starts mumbling about dress codes and elitism etc., I feel that I should point out that dress codes are there to be helpful. They are not written as some kind of judgemental Draconian code (that's my self-appointed job), they are there to ensure that people know what to wear and are thus spared the discomfort of being embarassed upon arrival, and having to either miss their day out, or change their outfit.

In fact the dress code is barely more than common sense;


Ladies
Ladies are kindly reminded that formal day wear is a requirement in the Royal Enclosure, defined as follows:
•Dresses and skirts should be of modest length defined as falling just above the knee or longer
•Dresses and tops should have straps of one inch or greater
• Jackets and pashminas may be worn but dresses and tops underneath should still comply with the Royal Enclosure dress code
•Trouser suits are welcome. They should be of full length and of matching material and colour
•Hats should be worn; a headpiece which has a base of 4 inches (10cm) or more in diameter is acceptable as an alternative to a hat.

Ladies are kindly asked to note the following:
•Strapless, off the shoulder, halter neck, spaghetti straps and dresses with a strap of less than one inch (2.5cm) are not permitted
•Midriffs must be covered
• Fascinators are no longer permitted in the Royal Enclosure; neither are headpieces which do not have a base covering a sufficient area of the head (4 inches / 10cm).


And who on earth could argue the dress code with such an elegantly attired lady, handing out pashminas?



So it baffles me when women think it is appropriate to turn up looking like this;


This young lady has clearly missed the point of 'underwear'. The clue is in the name my lovely.

But its not just 'smalls' that make the occasional appearance. Some women seem to be completely unaware of the geographical location of their knees;


Another helpful rule; If the horses have more attractive legs than yours, it's best to keep yours covered.

I do despair about the fact that so many women have not yet learned that it is much better to aim to be 'stylish', 'attractive', or, if you are young enough to still manage it, 'pretty'. A la Amanda Holden, who manages to accomplish all three, in this well thought out ensemble.



As far as I can see, a racecourse, or in fact any public place, at least during daylight hours, is not the place to be 'sexy' (and I use that term in it's loosest possible sense). Shame no one told that to this lot, who seem to have turned up thinking that they were attending some kind of Smurf's fetish convention:


The point is, that if I had paid some money, to get into this prestigious (albeit highly exploitative) event, I would not want to be confronted with excess flesh, visible underwear, or squeaky, sweaty rubber. I tend to get offended enough when I see it out and about in the supermarket, and I can get that any day for free.